Inauguration Recap, et cetera

Ulf says:

Greetings angst-ridden, bile-deprived minions of the sub-tropical wastes. I, Ulf, am here to bring you a centrifugal force so centrifugalicious that your own blood plasma trembles before just its centrifugal name. First, I would like to address this so-called new President of the United States. Why does our inaugural address have to be personified by such pussified rhetoric? Here, the leader of the apparent “greatest nation in the world”, just has to swear himself in to captivate the bright-eyed masses as they consume their burgers and watch their American Idols. What? No sacrificial slaughter? No virgin decapitation? No reanimated corpses to enforce the iron fist of the great empire under Lord Barackinator Obamatron? Granted, virgins are hard to come by but I am sure there are still enough people aware of anime conventions to not let this one just idly slip by! I am outraged, inraged, sideraged, and just all around cardinal direction-raged. As a loyal soldier in the army of absurdity that is Flesh Socket, I have one thing to say to this lack of wartorn serenadethat this nation damn well deserves: pussies.

Now, my latrine is equipped with all of the latest basic cable technology, so I can see what all of you Fleshies are up to so that I know where to direct my masturbational malevolence. Events have come to my attention that make me feel even less pity for you sacks of carbon-based flesh pods, something I thought was not even conceivable, but then again, you people never fail to disappoint. One such event is the loss of this precious little white spawn known as Caylee Anthony. My fellow Socket colleagues and I do not spend night after night burying children alive in various backyards just to have our recognition mocked under the veil one hot psychotic flesh socket that let her broodling feel the humiliating scorn of defeat by dying by the hands of a non-Fleshian. Oh sure, the news media tries to compensate by flashing images of our work by showing pictures of one missing black child for a day to show that they respect missing dead children of all races (you may thank us later parents), but they are just jealous of our indiscriminate nature towards child abduction. Don't believe me? Just start digging around Rush Limbaugh's yard. You will find plenty of ethnically diverse child sacrifices along with plenty of children porn, which I assure you, Flesh Socket does not condone or have any part of.

We stick to bestiality. Sickos.